Probably the most valuable information I gleaned from my Al-Anon meetings was the ability to detach with love.  I get the feeling he is seeing someone else, and in a weird way, I am okay with that.  Funny thing is, I was thinking even when I was with him how much easier it would be for him to let go of me if I set him up with someone else.  Well, he got offended when I would even remotely suggest anything like that.

So now, it is a bit of a relief, I guess.  I am a little sad that it had to end the way it did.  The arguing was horrible, and it was a relief to get away from him.  Towards the end there, just the sound of his voice produced physical symptoms in my body that I am not going to mention here, but that were stress-related and unpleasant, to be certain.

I truly wish him the best.  I want him to be happy and blessed.  At least now, he can be happy with someone else.  I don't know if she will be happy, but I guess that is none of my business.  I am sure he will morph into something perfect for however long he can manage it... and I am free....even if I am NOT divorced yet.  I can sleep through the night now without being awakened to be yelled at.  I don't have to listen to someone harrassing me in a drunken belligerent stupor.  YAY ME!

I see online that the papers the child support enforcement people were trying to serve him since May 19th were finally served as of Friday.  This explains a lot about the way he has been acting (very nasty individual).  Last week, he was telling me flat out that he didn't have money to take our son camping, as he had promised numerous times and broke his promise every time.  My poor son is heartbroken.  I told the narcissist that I wasn't even getting the proper amount of child support, so I couldn't possibly help him.  He said he was paying me "too much child support."  And that is how it is with narcissists.  In their skewed version of how things are, you are not as valuable and deserving and ENTITLED as the narcissist is to anything.  This is not much different before you actually leave the relationship, either, but it is geared to hurt me.  Knowing this helps me to avoid feeling hurt, actually.  Just like I know he would love to flaunt some other woman in my face, like I am nothing and he is everything.  Truth be told, she would have my pity.  I used to be that girl.  

But I'm a lot smarter now.  It was not easy to walk away, but I'll tell you, it is the best thing I ever did.  And every time he treats me the way he has been treating me, it reinforces the fact that I made the right decision in walking away.  I did, you know.  I made the right decision.  And whether or not I walk into another relationship or not (leaning towards not, as I am afraid I'll get another dud) is of no consequence, as I am happy in my own skin these days.  I don't need to be "protected" by someone like that!

Or something like that.  Talked to him today.  Evidently he read one of my articles that got published in a local newspaper.   Oops.  Guess it implied I had met someone else.  Funny, I haven't really met anyone else, but I sure want to!  I just haven't trusted anyone (GEE, I wonder WHY!!!). 

So, he is convinced I have met someone else, and he is saying that he will give me a "simplified divorce," and said it was just like I want now.  He is also telling my child that I am not in school at night when I have been taking them over there two nights a week (I am in class for a short time to obtain a license in real estate at this point).  He tells her I am on dates with other men.  I remedied that by showing her the book and all of my notes from class.  But this just goes to show you the tactics of the narcissist!

Well, at any rate, this isn't what I wanted, not exactly.  The heartache of having another failed marriage is staring me in the face again.  This isn't what I wanted.  What I wanted was the person I fell in love with to be capable of loving me back.  And being sincere.  Well, I said repeatedly during the marriage that I would rather be alone.  I guess I got my wish!

While I know he will never admit that he did anything wrong, and now he is dismissing me as insignificant, I also know that I never would have been happy if I had stayed in that relationship, and now I have a chance to meet someone worthwhile.  That does bring some comfort.  Yes, it does.